HelpWith Reader Letter

[GamerDad]

Networking question. Do you guys have a good answer?

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My 13 year old stepson is heavily involved in playing lots a few different online games like WoW and Runescape, but unfortunately alot of that time is unsupervised (long story!) Lately he has been trying to run programs that, as far as I can tell, act like some sort of remote networking service -- search topics that have suddenly started turning up are MoparScape, Hamachi, "how to set up a private network," etc.

Should we be worried about what he could be doing to the family computer and the security of the information on it -- to say nothing of who he might be interacting with in the games? Thanks for any answers you can provide.
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[PapaGamer]

Yes, you should be worried. Very worried. Hamachi is a VPN (Virtual Private Networking) server/client. It used to be free; but, is now owned by LogMeIn. A VPN is, essentially, a trusted connection between two (or more) computers using an encrypted Internet connection. The connection is secure; but, it is intended to be used only between trusted computers. By setting up a VPN with comparative strangers, all the shared resources on your PC become available to these other people. Sufficiently savvy users can probably gain access to non-shared resources. They could also install malicious software (trojans, keyloggers, etc.) through that trusted VPN connection.

MoparSpace appears to be a Runescape hacking/cheating site. At the very least, it is an "underground" community of gamers trying to exploit the system. IOW, shady characters. On the surface, your son appears to have fallen in with a less-than-reputable community of gamers and you are at serious risk of paying the consequences.

[txa1265]

That was the flag that went up for me as well - VPN's are what corporations give to travelers or remote offices to gain secure access to their private resources. This means either he is trying to set one up to work around a firewall to let others in or is trying to work with that 'less than above board' Runescape hack site on getting access somewhere else. Either way that is a major red flag that tells me that the kid should be put on a diet of 'internet free gaming' for quite some time.

[SiW]

It could also be that he just wants to play Runescape online with his friends on a private server, without having to pay the subscription fee for Runescape. His motives need not be nefarious, even if they would (presumably) still go against the terms of service for the Runescape client.

But as the others have said, setting up Hamachi (which is actually really cool and allows internet play of many older LAN-only games in addition to providing a secure network between trusted computers) can give outside access to all the computers on your home network if not properly configured.

My suggestion is talk to him and find out what he's trying to do, perhaps you can work together on a solution.

[PrimevilKneivel]

Nefarious or not your kids should know what type of software should not be installed without checking first.

Perhaps it's time to set up an administrator on the home network.

[somesundevil]

Hey everyone, thanks for the responses. I'm the one who asked the question, if you remember I posted in the thread about when enough is enough, dealing with an out of control kid on the computer. Obviously as you can see, things haven't really improved. I wasn't getting any support on the whole computer issue and I just ended up looking like the bad guy to both him and his mom, and quite frankly, my relationship with her is more important and not worth the two of us fighting over. At this point, I pretty much have given up.

He's moved his online activities to his own laptop rather than the family computer, so I'm not so worried about our private info getting compromised. He's doing track afterschool,, but he still logs anywhere from 30-40 hours a week between his various online activities, and absolutely freaks out to the point of tears at even minimal postponement (there's not really much in the way of actually curtailing his time, obviously) of what he sees as his given right. I don't think he's doing anything more nefarious than playing the games nonstop, and he's not a bad kid, he's just doing what any of us would have done at his age and taking advantage of what he can get away with. I just cross my fingers that nothing comes back to bite him over the next few years, and that I can feel secure enough in the relationship with my 2 year old that I'll be able to not cave when we have this battle down the road.

[Tater-Dad]

Hide his charger for the laptop...

I have a network question too- Should I be worried about "borrowing" a WiFi signal? Or the other way around if I decide to get a wireless router? The person I borrow from didn't password thier network, and there are more people that access thier network too. ( I trust the originating PC) Can my Wii or later my PC get a virus etc. from there or could some one mess me up if I setup my own network?

[Freakhead]

Well with no password and lots of neighbors on the wi-fi network it sure makes it easier to hack into your computer.

Hopefully your computer is at least passworded. You could run a software firewall to help out too.

Don't panic though. The vast vast majority of computer users don't have the skillz to be hackers.

[dragon]

It's not other users I'd be worried about...it's the bots they managed to pick up along the way from virus-laded emails or corrupted web sites that you're now exposed to *directly*.

I wouldn't be too worried about the Wii yet, but any computer that uses this network will be an inviting target for network scanning bots. At a bare minimum, run a software firewall...but a hardware firewall wouldn't be a bad idea, either. Also be sure to run AV software in real-time, and do full scans weekly.

[Tater-Dad]

Thanks guys the pc isn't connected, that'll be once I get our new one & networked, probably going hard wired for cash reasons, but I will password if I go wireless.

[aries110]

Let me ask you guys a question: (including somesundevil)

What if it was books, real books, like novels and short stories, he was reading all the time for 30.40 hours a week ? And he still managed to find time to his friend, his chores, his homework etc.? Would you still complain then ?

In varius threads I have seen how parents from the 1970's, the 1980's and even the 1990's have complained that their children always were on the computer or maybe worse played a lot D&D all the time - even a on school nights. These children now have Master Degrees in Computer Sciences or work in the computer gaming industry or as computer tech guys or support guys etc. etc.

What if he made D&D campaigns all day instead of playing games on the computer? I'm not saying that he should be allowed to spent 30-40 hours pr. week on his computer. I just know that when I was growing up in the 1970's, I sure spent a lot of time reading books, and playing not D&D but chess (wtih myself), and nobody seemed to care at all. And I read books and magazines all days of the week and all summer long. Not every kid out there is supposed to be an athlete...

I understand that somesundevil is worried about the family's private information, but since the boy now has moved his activities onto his laptop, this info should be safe. The best thing that could happen is that he learns a life lesson the hard way i.e. someone actually steals his passwords etc. Beyond this, my take on this is that he gets valuabe information & knowledge that may be able to help land a job in the computerworld at a later time - just like several game developers these days have benefitted from their cooped up experience playing D&D with their friends.

I understand he is into playing games. Have you tried getting him interested in writing game modules? I mean you have a toolset for Oblivion, Newerwinter Nights 1, as well as for The Witcher and Titan Quest. Maybe you could write and create a module together ?

When this is said, I do think that there could be a slight possibility that he is using the computer as a sort of way to not deal with his (maybe) negative feelings on some issue. It is uncommon to flee into the imaginative realm, either by using the computer or something much much worse as a means of escaping having to deal with these negative emotions. Maybe he is sort of fleeing from his emotions agains his 2 year old step brother. Of that is the case you really have to ask him about this.
Try asking him he if he is feeling mad, angry, or sad etc. that the 2 year old now takes time away from him or something like that. You might be surprised what he has to say.

As for the two year old, the best thing any parent can do is to set a good example. In that way, the two year old will learn that games aren't everything and that there is a world out there. However, ity is my firm belief that bpoth in private, in public and at work, the ability to be online and knowing how to behave while online will only be stronger in the coming years. Like everything else, it is about balance. And by that I mean that everything in excess is a bad sign.

[PrimevilKneivel]

I'd be concerned if my kids focused on one thing only for that much time, regardless of what it was, even homework. As a parent it's my job to keep my kids balanced (really, it says so in my manual ) and this kid definitely sounds out of balance.

The bigger problem though is the behavior, it shouldn't matter what they're doing but when their told it's time to stop they shouldn't act like it's the end of their lives.

I'd be happier if they agreed and then snuck behind my back and did it any ways, at least they'd be showing better socialization. (I realize this is a theory that may come back to bite me..., who am I kidding, it will probably come back to bite me)

[GamerDad]

I agree with everything you said Aries - and not because I believe my career is a direct result of too much playing with action figures, then D&D, all the while reading 5 hours a night easy and watching as much bad scifi film I could find (and in the 70s/80s if it wasn't Star Wars or Trek it was really bad scifi).

But as a parent I hope to nurture what's promising and curb what isn't. Limits still need to be placed and enforced - and kids need to rebel because what really makes a person into an artist is adversity.

The struggle is important. Kids struggle for their lives and interests, adults struggle for limitations , control and wisdom - ideally both are stronger as time goes on.

I heartily advocate a parent doing whatever possible to find out why their kid is obsessed on an escapist medium. Why? Because maybe more than half the time it might be a good thing.

What parents shouldn't do is ignore it. That's the only real wrong answer IMO.

[txa1265]

Very nicely said GamerDad - to me the issue isn't that he's playing so many games, but rather *why* he is doing it, and *how* he is going about ensuring it as a 'natural right', and the fact that he has created a void between you and his mom over this. That last one screams 'power struggle' and your posts indicate that he has 'won'. Not saying it is good or bad, just like GamerDad says, struggle at that age is essential and particularly with 'mixed marriage' families where there is an added element of powerlessness for kids. My point is that you and his mom need to come to an understanding over this - even if it is just a matter of saying 'we fundamentally disagree, but you are his mom and while I see some serious potential issues I will respect your decision'. The problem there is the backlash - if she has said she gives you no authority to regulate how he spends 25% of his life, she then has no right to expect you to attempt to regulate how he spends 25% of his life. Not an easy situation ... my big concern is that if it is happening over video games today, what will it happen with tomorrow?

Growing up my parents were concerned at anything that overly occupied my time - whether it was music, sports, reading, writing, arcade time, part-time job, school work or whatever. Their watch word was 'balance' - they knew I was destined for technology of some type, but because of their push for balance I was guided by my music & band teacher to interview at the Berkeley School of Music and by my literature teacher to submit a short-story and poem to the Atlantic Journal and to consider going into writing. (they told me later they were glad I opted for a path with 'earnings potential' )

I just look at it this way in terms of time:
- 168 hours a week
- 8 x 5 = 40 hours of school
- ~10-15 hours of homework
- 56 healthy sleep hours (which some would argue should be 70 for a teen)
- That leaves 50 - 60 total hours remaining, including 32 for weekends. Taking away 40 hours leaves about 2 hours per day to eat, shower, talk to actual people, and do other things.

To me that would cause a concern as a parent. Again, not because it is computer games but because it is a single activity, and despite virtual socialization it is still largely a singular activity. That doesn't make it evil, bad or wrong - simply an area of concern.

[PrimevilKneivel]

you guys said it better than I